Your boyfriend cheats on you and your world collapses. But usually, the most painful part comes after. Why is he not on his knees, begging to have me back? Or maybe he was at first, but then when I agreed to take him back now he’s not so sure it’s going to work? What? Aren’t I supposed to be the one calling the fucking shots? And why the hell would he want to fuck some random whore? Am I not good enough?Is it cause I’m clingy and possessive, cut his ties with all his friends, forbade him to go out with the guys… and never gave him blow jobs? Is it because I’m crazy?
Yes. Sometimes, it can even be YOUR fault-
Infidelity is a touchy subject. One argument is that we’re animals and it’s in our nature to be whores. Monogamy is rare. The opposing argument is that although we are animals, we’re animals that fall in love. And although no one has been able to pinpoint exactly where the broken heart lies in the human body, science has proven that there’s a whole lot of drama going on with the chemicals in our brain when we suffer from a broken heart.
I once knew a wise married man. Very eccentric individual with a very liberal mentality. I asked him what he would do if he found out his wife was cheating on him. He answered, “I’d ask her if there was anything missing in our life and if there was something I could do to fix it.”
Sometimes, the pain you feel from your partner cheating is a deeper rooted issue: a straight hit to your ego. Sometimes, we fail to read in between the lines.. we fail to see the reason we wander… the things that are missing that tempt us elsewhere…
While we’re intertwined with everyday life, I think we miss the point of partnership. You’re supposed to be happy. As obvious as that statement seems, it’s often overlooked. I firmly believe in people making mistakes and deserving second chances. Sometimes, there are circumstances that your friends and family could never understand.
The truth is, you shouldn’t have to explain yourself to anyone in fear of being judged for taking back a cheating partner. People fuck up, that’s it. Now, this is all assuming this person isn’t a habitual cheater and/or physically or verbally abusive, etc… Let’s just say this person has generally been a great partner, there had been a couple of months of disconnect and one night he got drunk and slept with his assistant. Shit happens.
If you decide to take that person back keep in mind that it’s NOT okay to keep rubbing the incident in his/her face. When you forgive, you forgive. When you say let’s move forward, together, you mean it – all in a positive light. It’ll take time but… it can be okay again.
(Going to refer to the cheater as a “him” just cause it’s easier for me. I’m an immigrant and can’t speak English well)
Now, what happens if you take him back and it doesn’t pan out the way you want it to? Are you taking him back because you miss him or do you miss the person he used to be? Can you ever look at him the same? Will you forever have the image of him with your best friend, butt naked… on your bed? Are you taking him back out of weakness? And what exactly has he done or said to even deserve a second chance? You better make him beg for it, right? But how far does that begging have to go before it actually embarrasses him?
And what if he’s just begging to come back out of his own guilt over what he’s done?
(it’s already getting TOO complicated!)
I get it, love is complicated. But that’s why it’s important for us to simplify it to the best of our ability. If you love each other, want to make it work, fix the problems together, learn to communicate, etc.. Then do it!
If it’s just not working, walk away. One thing that’s always helped me mend a broken heart is the excitement of falling in love again. At first, you start to resent it.. “Why did I EVER fall in love! I’m done with guys, that’s it..” But do you remember the rush of meeting someone new? Taking an hour long shower, shaving every inch of your body, taking half and hour to do your make up (to look like you’re care free and just rolled out of bed..) The rush of seeing a text message from the new guy.. The anticipation, the butterflies, the first kiss, the first night of passion.. but most importantly.. the beauty of learning about someone new. You should feel like this all of the time with your significant other.
People fuck up and sometimes, a second chance is deserved. Other times, it’s time to walk away. Why would you want to be with someone who treats you poorly.. who sleeps around.. who manipulates you emotionally.. etc etc etc. Life is short, life is about loving and learning.. and not being scared to put yourself first. Never forget that you’re worth more.. and some where out there, there’s a person who you’re just going to click with.. who you won’t have to fight with in order to convince them the relationship is worth the fight.
Because at the end of the day, you’re the only guaranteed common denominator in the rest of your life. Look out for yourself, put yourself first, and remember to never ever feel the need to justify your actions to avoid being judged.
Every relationship is different, every person is different. Sometimes it’s okay to say, “Fuck you, never, ever, ever call me again.”
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